


The only man that i love is my dad

by blueslytherin



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: M/M, basically two dorks fall in love, gay as fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-11-02 01:46:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10934433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueslytherin/pseuds/blueslytherin
Summary: Connor Murphy has a huge crush on his roommate (aka the college AU no one asked for)





	The only man that i love is my dad

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic so idk what to expect
> 
> Hit me up on tumblr @shadynightkingdom

It was one a.m. and Connor Murphy couldn’t sleep. How could he, when his bastard roommate, Evan Hansen, had profoundly insisted on staying up all night to stay for exams? When Connor had protested, saying that Evan would be too loud and keep him up all night, the boy had shaken his head furiously. “T-This test is extremely important! It affects your entire future. If I-I-I fail, then before you know it, they’ll, they’ll kick me out of college and I’ll be living on the streets!” He had started babbling at this point, and Connor had just swore violently and told Evan to be as quiet as he could.

  
So it had come to this: Evan was sitting at his tiny desk in the corner of their dorm, his little lamp shining down on his stacks of neat study guides, trying his best not to wake his roommate up. After all, he had witnessed the consequences of pissing Connor off. However, Evan didn’t know that it was a lie. Connor was just lying in his bed, pretending to be sleeping. Really, he was watching Evan, making sure that the other boy was okay. He didn’t want Evan to have a panic attack in the middle of the night, all alone with no one to help him.

  
There Connor was: body angled towards the desk, arm propping his head up, just watching his roommate. Evan was hunched over the desk, scribbling fiercely onto piece of paper. He stopped, ran a hand through his disheveled hair, and continued writing. Evan yawned, his eyes closing for a long moment, before opening them and shaking himself awake.

Connor wanted to kiss him.

It was fucking ridiculous, but it wasn’t a new feeling. Ever since that first day of college, when Connor entered his new room and a sandy-haired freckled teen nervously introduced himself as Evan, he’d been in love. Connor didn’t know why he felt this way; he didn’t get crushes, hadn’t been in a relationship since he went off his meds for a short period of time in high school, and met a boy in the psych ward at the hospital. It was a dumb idea. They had fooled around, made out a lot, even fucked on his parent’s bed. But their relationship was only sexual; the only thing he’d really felt towards the other boy was lust. Connor hadn’t had a proper crush in years. No, not until Mister Evan Hansen walked into his life.

Connor knew that he couldn’t just tell Evan how he felt. He knew about Evan’s anxiety, and he saw something in his eyes every time the other boy looked at him. Evan was scared of him. It made sense. Who wouldn’t be scared of the future school shooter who had dozens of white scars lining his wrists? Connor hated how they all treated him. He knew that he was getting better; he rarely smoked anymore, and adjusted his medication so that the pills he took actually helped him. But he also knew that Evan was scared of those seldom moments where something took over Connor’s body and he couldn’t control himself. It had only happened twice since the beginning of the year, both occurring when his medication was adjusted again, but Evan still treated him like a ticking time bomb about to go off at any second. If Connor told him, if the other boy learned that his rage-filled roommate wanted to kiss him, there was no telling how he’d react.

“Con-Connor?” a quiet voice said, disturbing the peaceful silence of the night. Connor had zoned out, and almost didn’t hear Evan’s next words. “Are you still up?”

Connor debated whether it was a good idea to respond. Curiosity won out in the end. “Yeah, Hansen. I’m up.”

Evan turned around in his chair. “Can you help me?” he stammered out. “I know I’m disturbing you and I’m really sorry but this is kinda an emergency so-”

“Fine,” Before Evan could say anything else, Connor got out of bed. He stopped to tie his hair up in a messy bun before grabbing a spare desk chair and pulling it up next to his roommate. “What the fuck do you want?”

“It’s Latin,” Evan said, not looking at Connor. “Doyouhaveacopyofthestudyguide?”

“Slow the hell down,” Connor said, leaning forwards in his chair and accidentally brushing up against Evan, who blushed deeply.

“I-I was wondering if you had the Latin notes so I could copy them and not, uh, fail the exam tomorrow.”

“I don’t take Latin,”

Evan’s face fell.

“But,” Connor smirked. “I can still help.”  
He loved the way Evan smiled at him. It was so innocent and pure. Combined with his freckles, his dimples, and that wonderful smile, Evan looked years younger whenever he was happy.

Connor grabbed a notebook and a couple of pens from his bed. “I found this notebook under my bed, and it has a bunch of Latin notes. That should help.” He handed it to Evan, who thanked him at least five times.

Connor couldn’t help adding “I have a guy on the inside who can give you the answer key, if you want. You can go get tomorrow morning before the test. Just go to room B13 and ask for Richard Goranski. Memorize it or some shit like that, but don’t get caught.”

“I’m not going to cheat,” Evan bit his lip. “If I, If I get caught-” He started babbling, and there was no use trying to argue with him.

Shit. Connor really wanted to help, not set his anxiety off. Hell, he’d have given Evan the shirt off his back if he needed it. Then, an idea came to him.

“Do you want help studying?” he asked.

Evan blinked, obviously not expecting the question. “Sure, I guess.”

Connor smiled.

They reviewed Evan’s notes together. Connor tried to make conversation, asking Evan all sorts of random questions. At first, Evan just blushed, not responding. Soon after though, he took a dose of his anxiety medication. After that, he warmed up to Connor, and they just talked. When Evan’s anxiety wasn’t acting up, he was actually an extremely talkative person.

In the middle of it all, Connor found himself laughing at a joke Evan had made. It surprised him; he hadn’t laughed like that in a while. He and Evan were actually talking without Connor being an asshole. Evan seemed to actually want to talk to him. Was he dreaming?

The boys talked for what felt like hours. Finally, Evan yawned, and picked up his notes. “Thanks for, um, helping me.”

Then, Evan leaned his head on Connor’s shoulder, and whispered. “You know, you’re not as bad as everyone says you are, Connor.”

His mind went blank. Holy shit.

Connor gave a weak smile, tried to crack a joke. “Now that’s a first.”  
Evan chuckled a little. He hesitated before reaching over and brushing back a few wisps of Connor’s hair, which had escaped its bun entirely.

They were so close to each other. So fucking close. Connor swore that he was about to burst.

He finally got a good look at his roommate. Evan’s eyes were a perfect spring sky, but bags bloomed underneath them. For someone so anxiety-ridden, he had an intense, penetrating glare.

He noticed that Evan had a tiny birthmark under his left eye.

I’m going to kiss him, was Connor’s only thought. I’m going to kiss Evan Hansen.

To his surprise, it was Evan who initiated the kiss. His lips were softer than Connor had imagined, and warm, almost welcoming. They tasted faintly of honey. Connor lost himself in the sweet scent of Evan’s cologne. He smelled of summer and flowers, and Connor somehow caught himself thinking that on anyone else it would’ve been strange, but on Evan it was incredibly sexy. He heard his roommate shakily exhale, and cupped Evan’s face, feeling stubble against his own face and hands. Evan dominated the kiss, kissing him like he’d wanted to for a while. He wound his fingers through Connor’s silky hair, pulling him deeper into the kiss. Goosebumps shivered across his skin, and he heard small gasps and moans, though he couldn’t tell who it was coming from. His own heart kept fluttering and fluttering.

He didn’t want this to end. It certainly wasn’t his first kiss, but it was the only one that had meant something to him.

Evan captured Connor’s lips in one final kiss before slowly pulling back. There was one silent moment where both boys processed what happened. In that moment, Evan completely changed, reverting back to the anxious, blushing boy. He jumped up, a truly terrified look forming on his face. “Did-did we just-,” he trailed off. There was no trace of the confident man Connor had seen before.

“Yeah,” Connor breathed out. His mind was going haywire. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. That just happened.

Evan started turning red. “Connor, I’m so so sorry. Ifuckedupdidn’tI?” He started rambling again, but Connor didn’t hear a word he said, lost in his own thoughts. All he saw was a look in Evan’s eyes.

It wasn’t a look of fear like he was used to. Rather, he swore he saw warmth and fondness in the boy’s eyes. You know, you’re not as bad as everyone says you are, Connor. Maybe Evan was right. Maybe someone didn’t see Connor Murphy as the school shooter. Maybe, for once in his goddamn life, he had a reason to be a better Connor Murphy. He wanted to try.

Connor reached out, and took Evan’s hand, who shut up instantly. He intertwined his fingers with his roommates’, and made eye contact with him. So many words were exchanged in that moment; both words of longing and confessions. Evan looked away, silently contemplating everything that had happened and the offer Connor had made. The whole world stopped during that moment.

Finally, Evan took a deep breath, and squeezed Connor’s hand. He let out a small smile, and kissed him on the cheek.

So that was where they both ended up. Evan leaning back in his desk chair, held in Connor’s embrace, and closing his eyes after he told him to go the fuck to sleep. And Connor, holding Evan, feeling the rise and fall of the boy’s chest, and observing how goddamn cute he was when he slept. For the first time in his life, Connor was finally content.


End file.
